He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
