I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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