hotel room ftw
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
