there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
