what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
