I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
