would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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