I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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