I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
