Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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