All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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