dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
