Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
