Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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