Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'

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(925): View more from California

Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless

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(352): View more from Florida

Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.

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(660): View more from Missouri

Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart

(281): View more from Texas

What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?

(660): View more from Missouri

Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni

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(734): View more from Michigan

Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score

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