never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
