When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
