He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
