I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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