Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
