Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
