yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
