I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
