census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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