so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
