So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
