i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize