Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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