I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
