I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
