Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
