I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize