i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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