i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
