i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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