Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
