the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
