My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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