I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
