Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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