so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
