this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize