Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
