my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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