you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
