Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
