Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
