peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
