I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
