so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I did not marry a roomba.
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