i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
