So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
