we're blogging at a bar
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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