Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
