I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
