i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
