then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
