If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
