I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
