will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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