thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
