It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
