yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
