I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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