you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
