he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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