so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
