Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize