I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
