Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
